Dating Advice: Why Do Men ONLY Want Sex?

Why Are Men So Obsessed With Sex?

When creating the RightSwiper concept, Mark and I debated whether to have two VIP clubs—one for men and another for women. Some of this book's chapters and individual sections of our coaching program are directed to a specific genders, either male or female. Ultimately, we decided to keep all the content together because while a chapter with a female bias may not offer a man much practical advice, it is always very productive to learn more about ourselves and why we act the way we do.

So, let's address the elephant in the room. Why do we guys think about sex so much? Why does it cloud our thinking and alter our behavior to such an extent?

Have you ever fallen for a guy only to have him vanish into thin air the moment you have sex with him? On his way out the door, he says 'I'll call you' over his shoulder, and you can almost hear him deleting your number on the way! You feel used and disappointed; he seemed so charming, but as soon as he got what he wanted, he dropped you like a hot penny! What gives?

Many women respond to something like this by growing just a little more cynical and creating rules to try and prevent it from happening again. They say to themselves, 'next time I will insist on five dates before we move things onto sex'. I understand the theory; if he's prepared to wait for sex, he is likelier to be a decent guy who will stick around. It sounds logical; unfortunately, it's based on a flawed assumption.

There are a lot of guys out there that need the endorsement of sex to appease their insecurity. A woman agreeing to have sex with them is the ultimate self-soothing behavior. It subconsciously allays their nagging fears of insignificance. You don't need these men in your life; they are damaged, low-value, or immature. That doesn't mean they aren't lovely, sweet, and caring deep down, but you didn't buy this book to find a whole pile of baggage to carry around, did you?

These guys are out there, and you should avoid them, but it doesn't matter how many rules you create. You won't fix a man like this, and your rules won't protect you; they will just delay the inevitable. Making a guy like this wait five dates before sex makes the reward more valuable. There is only one person on Earth you can change: you. If you think a guy like this won't sit through a series of dates to get to sex, you are drastically underestimating how valuable sex is to him.

The biggest problem with creating these rules and obstacles for him to jump over to get to sex is that the focus is the wrong way around. You are never going to change who he is by setting him tests. The only way to filter these self-soothers out is to change yourself.

Have you seen those women who head out in a skirt so short it could very well pass off as a belt? They are dolled up in super sexy attire because they know from experience that it gets them a lot of attention from men. It indeed does, but what it says to any male is 'low value', and people don't tend to keep low-value things. You might use them for a while, but ultimately, you will throw them away. You don't keep the plastic cutlery that came with your airplane meal, do you?

When you see these women getting so much attention, it might be logical to assume this is how you attract men; however, if we can, step back to our earlier cave dweller analogy. Imagine a primitive hunter stalking a field full of rabbits; all of them are alert to his presence and start to dash all about the field, scurrying to find shelter and escape his deadly spear.

That is all except one rabbit. Only one of the animals chooses to lie down and wait for its fate. He does not attempt to evade the inevitable and surrenders without the sniff of resistance. The hunter slowly approaches the lazy rabbit and kills it stone-dead with his spear. The caveman got precisely what he wanted, but do you think he goes home happy with his kill? Does he go home crowing about the fantastic rabbit he has caught?

Men do not want it served on a plate for them. They will take it if it's available, but they will do so with an attitude somewhere between indifference and contempt. This is not a negative trait of men but a behavioral trait that applies to both sexes.

Nobody, male or female, wants to keep something of low value in the long term, whether that's airline cutlery or other humans. The same trait appears to be different in men and women due to genetics. Men are programmed to spread their seed far and wide (sorry, I know it's a gross way of putting it), and they will still see the low-hanging fruit as an opportunity to do that, but that's the beginning and end of the story.

Women of value never overcompensate to attract a man because they know that what they have inside is so precious that only the best males will have the passion, respect, and persistence to work for it.

I told you earlier that when it comes to attraction, men are a switch, whereas women are a dial.

Physical attraction is dominant in men. Have you noticed that it's much more common for a man to want to be with a younger woman than for older women to want to be with a younger man? Sure, the cougars are out there, but the scale is massively tilted in one direction.

Women are much more likely to be attracted to a man older than them because they can appreciate value beyond what is visible. A powerful, successful, and dedicated mature man is much more attractive to a younger woman than a mature lady would be to a younger man.

The reason for this is once again at the door of Mother Nature. While men are unaware of why they are transfixed by the beautiful young woman who just walked past them, their genes most certainly are not. Men are programmed to seek out healthy hosts for their offspring.

Wow, talk about stealing the romance, I know, but it's the truth. Conversely, women are programmed to find strong, dependable fathers who will stick around and protect the tribe. This is why a woman can appreciate value beyond the physical appearance so much easier than men. They are looking for personality traits and character beyond what can be seen with the naked eye.

To be able to attract a guy with the way you look should not be seen as a victory. It's like shooting fish in a barrel; any woman can get dressed up and go to a bar and have several offers of sex within an hour of getting there. The man of your dreams does not want to understand you fully; he wants to feel slightly out of his depth, never quite feeling like he is in control of you. A man respects and admires this sort of woman greatly. I am not suggesting you play mind games to keep him interested; this is not the sort of thing you can fake. We are not talking about manipulation; my goal is to encourage you to embrace and love who you are and let him worry about the rest.

A final word on this... A man who feels threatened by his inability to control you is a man best avoided. To steal a song lyric: Secure, confident men want to stand beside you, not in front of or behind you.