Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus

psychology of attraction Oct 28, 2023

Men Are From Mars

As the renowned author John Gray says, ‘Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus’.

Very true, so before we get into the real nuts and bolts, practical dating advice that you came here for, let's discuss the number one reason why most dating attempts fail.

Essentially, we are back to the concept Mark mentioned at the start of the book: inside/outside thinking.

The biggest mistake men make is assuming that women think in the same way as they do. Ladies, if you have ever been offended and shocked by an unrequested and unwanted dick pic, the guy who sent it did not stop to consider that you might not appreciate the gesture. His thinking was probably along the lines of; I would love it if she sent me an explicit image, so she will be delighted to get this shot of my meat and two veg. However, before we have a good laugh at how ill-advised men can be, women also make the exact same mistake.

I will break this section into two parts. First we will discuss the male mind.

At the RightSwiper website, we get contacted by single women all the time who all make very similar statements about men:

• Men are just after one thing
• Men are cheats
• There are no good guys left

Yes, some men are only after no-strings sex, some men can't help cheating, and you have probably seen a lot of your friends with guys that seem unfairly 'perfect'.

Despite that, just as many decent, attractive, and caring male human beings out there don't fit that depressing snapshot. If we assume that is true, the real question behind purchasing this book is 'why are you not meeting them'!

This book is about answering that question and then fixing the challenges that are causing your current and rather disappointing recurring reality from appearing.

The Caveman Still Lives

The equal rights movement can claim a wide range of long-overdue victories. However, there is a downside to the progression of society. Our problem today is that men are forgetting how to be men, and women are trying their hardest to avoid being female. This is great for equality, but Mother Nature does not care much about that concept. As society encourages men to embrace their feminine side and become 'metrosexual', we have a new generation of males lacking the confidence to embrace their masculinity. At the same time, women today are pushed hard to be tough cookies who are proud to be fiercely independent.

No matter how gender fluid we become, it doesn't change our genetic fluid. Our programming remains the same. Men will always be attracted to certain things and feel compelled by their DNA to act in specific ways.

This does not mean you have to accept misogyny or date a caveman. However, understanding what is going on under the surface will allow you to understand what men want and why they behave the way they do. When it comes to getting the guy worth keeping, knowledge most certainly is power.

The male mind is wired to guard and protect his "tribe" from threats and danger, even in our modern-day world. A man's genetics still force him to worry that a saber-toothed tiger is waiting to pounce around every corner. Really, the most significant risk most of us face daily is a Latte burn to the crotch. If you are a powerful, independent woman, you might wish to shoot down this male need to protect. You may even find it offensive.

Nevertheless, it is essential to understand that when a man wants to protect you, it never means that he believes you're feeble or powerless. It indicates that he is reacting to his most rudimentary natural impulses and sees you as something precious and vital to him.

This is not a conscious decision; he feels it at a subconscious level. I can assure you that in those moments, you become the most important thing on planet earth; you are everything. See it for what it is, and not some sleight on your power as a modern woman. When your man gets a little protective and wishes to keep you secure, let him. You might be shocked by how satisfying it feels to the female side of you when you allow this male energy to strengthen you.

Men And Horses Wear Blinkers

As much as we humans think the world revolves around us, we are not as unique as our ego insists. We are nothing more than intelligent monkeys.

These days we get wrapped up in our existential crises, where we wonder what the point of life is, why we are here, and what's our purpose etc. This is a reflection of how good we have it in the modern world. In our more unsophisticated human past, life was a lot more dangerous, and males and females had specific functions. Men hunted. Women nurtured and cared for the young. There was no time or opportunity to sit pondering the meaning of life. The purpose of being here was to stay alive, and that pursuit was a full-time job. While our world has advanced, very little has altered when it concerns the wiring of the male and female brain.

They say that when it comes to attraction, men are a switch, and women are a dial. Guys are either attracted to you or they are not; as simple as that. While women, who default to more emotional thinking, can feel their attraction for another rise and fall.

In horse racing, when they want a horse to concentrate on the one objective of winning the race. The trainers will often fit blinkers to the head of the animal. These leather flaps sit on either side of the horse's eyes and prevent it from being distracted by things occurring in the peripheral view.

Men are fitted with the same device from birth; they just don't know it. Guys are hard-wired to concentrate on a single activity at a time. Think about it... the hunter does not pursue the whole herd. He does not run after everything that moves; this is a sure-fire way to starve. He focuses on his intended prey and only pursues this single target.

A woman gathering fruits in a field searches for as many fruits as she can get, not just one. Her mind is free of the blinkers, and it's almost like she has a wide-angle lens in her head. The male mind has a singular focus lens.

The secret here is to remember that one is not better than the other. Both perform an essential purpose, which is necessary to keep the "tribe" alive. Males and females may be a great balance for each other when our distinctions are recognized. Remember, the goal of dating is not to find a mirror image of yourself in the form of a different gender but rather to find someone who completes you.

It feels logical that Mr Right would be similar to you, but actually, the opposite is often true. My wife Daniela and I could not be more different in so many areas. She is pure attention to detail; everything is planned, costed, and scheduled. She follows the rules meticulously and runs her mental risk assessment on every significant decision.

At the same time, my approach to life is to envision the glorious end goal and then go charging after it.

There is little planning, and I can tolerate a lot of risks. I expect to make mistakes along the way, but I see that as part of the adventure. It would be effortless for either one of us to examine the life approaches of the other and declare them to be wrong. If I didn't know better, I could accuse my wife of being dull and overly cautious. Likewise, she could easily label me as reckless and dangerously impatient.

However, what we see in each other is strengths in character that we ourselves lack. I know that I am color-blind to certain things, and some of those things could cause me serious problems and drama. Thankfully, Daniela can see those colors correctly.

She is my eyes, and I am hers; we complete each other.

All Men Want To Be Firefighters

Have you ever felt annoyed when you're attempting to let off steam and vent about something that happened in your day, and your boyfriend keeps trying to fix your problem?

Men are notorious for not wanting to talk about their emotions. It could be the way we raise boys, or maybe it's in the genes, who knows? However, many women like to vent and process their emotions externally and don't always need a remedy. Because men are programmed to protect, often, when you do this, they assume you are asking them to solve your problem. Sometimes, this is why men shirk away from the 'how was your day' chat. They don't want to talk because they may end up with another monkey on their back. One of your problems to fix, even though you never asked them to.

Mark will demonstrate dating site techniques, I am here to show you the blueprint for how the opposite sex thinks. By following it, you can manifest entirely predictable responses from any potential partner. That may sound like manipulation, but there is no need to worry as long as your intentions are good. If your goal of learning this stuff is to make another human being feel good and be happy when they are with you, I don't see how anyone could find a reasonable objection.

Inside every man is a little lost boy, it doesn't matter how big, and strong they get, at their core, there is still a fragile part of them that craves praise and appreciation. If you want to fill your guy with many feel-good emotions and hormones, give him what he most deeply desires.

One of my favorite authors is Zig Ziglar; he was such a wonderful storyteller and speaker. His most famous quotation is 'you can get everything in life that you want while you are busy giving other people what they want'. That is so true in every area of life, whether it be in your career or your social life. If you go out there looking for friends, you will find them very hard to find, but if you go out looking to be a friend you will find them everywhere. I believe the same sound principle holds true in our search for 'the one' too.

Men yearn for freedom.

I am a weirdo. Or at least that's what I thought for a very long time. You see, I am a fortunate man. I live on a Mediterranean island in a fabulous house on a large plot of land. We have three rescue dogs and four adorable cats. I share this wonderful life with the woman of my dreams; everything I could ever need is right here. So, why do I feel the urge to sleep on my boat once a week?

It doesn't make any sense.

I have a motor yacht moored in the marina about 30 minutes from my home. I often go there in the afternoon, sitting on my boat, drinking coffee and working on my laptop. After a while, I will text my wife and say 'I will sleep on my boat tonight'.

After watching some TV (on my own) and making a very basic meal in the galley (on my own). I will end up in the dark of the night laying in a bed much smaller and less comfortable than the one I have at home, with nobody there to hug and hold. All the while, knowing that if I need to use the bathroom during the night, I will almost certainly bang my head crawling out of the sleeping quarters, stub my toe or both.

I do it because I feel compelled to be on my own sometimes. I don't always enjoy my nights on the boat, but it feels like something I must do. I have considered why this masochistic tendency occurs, and I believe there is something very male about it.

Men need to feel free, and that they are self-reliant and capable of looking after themselves no matter what happens. Sometimes, the love, comfort, and security of home can generate a subconscious fear.

It sounds strange to complain about being trapped in paradise, and when you consider the poverty and suffering worldwide, it's almost offensive. However, at the core, there is something natural and balanced about this behavior. As men, we need to occasionally prove that we are free by demonstrating the opposite of what we have still exists. Without sadness, there is no context to happiness; without poverty, being wealthy does not mean anything.

There has to be a counterbalance to everything in life, and we forget that at our peril.

This is not to say that a guy does not want romantic relationships. But it indicates that he often needs to withdraw and disengage to redouble his energy and confirm his independence from the pack.

This behavior threatens many women who see it as evidence that he is not committed to the relationship. Unfortunately, this is one of those situations where the harder you try to block what he is doing, the more he will fight to do it. Try to see it as one of the weird things men do. Look around; you will see most guys will find a way to create a place of isolation.

Some have a Man Cave, others a garden shed or a garage full of cars and tools. When you see a guy demonstrating this self-isolating behavior, try not to see it as a threat or something negative. Just observe what transpires when you back away and give him the space to disengage. If he returns, he's just a well-balanced, typical male. It is not a sign he is pulling away from you. 

Women Are From Venus

In the search for the woman of your dreams, one of the biggest obstacles you can create for yourself is to assume females think the same way as males.

Remember, men are a switch, and women are a dial. Men see what they are attracted to and then want it. They see an attractive woman and want her, even without finding out if she is a nice human being. Their DNA is screaming at them to go and make babies with that beautiful creature.

Often, we get so blinded by this subconscious urge that we fail to remember that women are bombarded with this transparent male nonsense, and while they enjoy sex just as much as men, they live in a very different world to us in this regard.

Imagine a woman walking down a busy street and asking every man they come across for sex. How many would say yes? Assuming they didn't discount the offer as a joke, a very high number would say yes, agreed?

Now reverse the experiment: have a guy walk down a street asking women for sex. What happens? Nothing good for the guy, I assure you of that. Men are visually stimulated; they don't care much about personality in the initial attraction phase. However, while women will undoubtedly notice how attractive you are, it's not the total deal breaker that it is for men.

If men are visual, then women are predominantly kinesthetic. They seek evidence of quality in your personality, morals, character, and appearance.

Because men tend to make snap decisions on matters of attraction, they are more likely to fall in love quicker than women too. If a guy really likes you, it won't be long until he is forcing himself to avoid using the 'L' word. He will ask his friends if 'it's too soon to tell her I love her.' Typically, they will be told, 'yes, it's too soon', but will do it anyway. Then, they often get crushed when they don't hear it back straightaway.

For women, falling in love is like opening a combination lock. They need many more checkboxes ticked before they can be sure about a man as a long-term prospect.

She may need to see how you behave with your friends, your views on children/animals/politics, how you talk about your ex, how you treat waiters, etc.

Countless good-looking knuckledraggers are hanging around the bottom of the totem pole; she wants one of the few exceptions at the top.

Conversely, men are initially willing to overlook small red flags in favor of rushing in based on their visual attraction to you. This doesn't mean that these incompatibilities won't later cause friction; most likely, they will, but they are too far down the list to be obstacles in the early phases of male attraction.

Because men go all-in so quickly, they get wounded more frequently by self-created ego-destroying situations. Guys fear rejection because it hurts much more than they are willing to admit. This is why so many guys offer to buy you a drink as their opening line in a bar or club. They are subconsciously trying to sweeten the deal and reduce their chance of rejection. They are blissfully unaware that they are actually saying, I know I am not good enough for you, but hey, you get a free drink!

If they thought about what they were doing, they would be more emotionally intelligent in their approach. Even walking up to a woman and saying, 'buy me a drink,' with a cheeky smile is better than the former predictable, boring, and supplicating line.

Women are more tuned into hidden signals than men. They can read body language in a split second, and if you have low self-esteem, you instantly drop down the totem pole. Confidence and self-assurance are so much more attractive than an Armani shirt.

The harsh reality is, that while looking and smelling good are essential, you need to demonstrate much more than that. Passion, intelligence, humor, success, abundance, charm, and humility are all incredibly attractive traits for a man to have.

Moreover, these days, you not only need to have those aspects to your personality but also be an expert at getting them across digitally to your potential date online.

That is where Mark will help you enormously. There are many tips, tricks, and secrets to demonstrating high totem pole status in your profile, photos, and messages.

Are You Ready?

So many people get worn out by the nonsense of internet dating, complaining that "all the men on dating sites are only after one thing" or "women don't give nice guys a chance." Unbeknownst to them, their approach is unwittingly crafting the outcomes they so vehemently despise. RightSwiper teaches you to change that for good. 

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