Dating Tips: How To Be A High Value Online Dater

psychology of attraction Nov 02, 2023

Online Dating As A High Value RightSwiper

Transforming into a high-value RightSwiper begins with possessing the right mindset.

Remarkably, most people discount this as mumbo jumbo and focus simply on calculated techniques (what to say, what to wear, and how to act) that frequently do not lead to the one.

The truth is that those approaches, if not integrated with a genuine attitude shift and a dramatic increase in self-love, are ineffective and will never do the job.

Being a high-value dater is 80% how you feel about yourself and only 20% how you communicate it to the world through your actions, gestures, and how you treat yourself. And it is how you feel about yourself that ascertains how you act most of the time.

"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit." — Will Durant

If you are reading books on how to find 'the one', your main focus is the tips and tricks to seduce them.

But your second focus is on yourself; you are just an actress on a stage. At some point, the audience will see you without the costume and grease paint, and they will get to meet the real version of you. This is the reason why I am not a massive supporter of dating tips that include giving you 'lines' to use on a date or 'killer text messages' to drive him/her wild, etc.

Suppose you are serious about becoming a high-value RightSwiper. In that case, you must cultivate the mentality that you don't need scripts and lines written by someone else and your personality is strong enough.

My value is decided by me alone.

This is a critical point, and I give the same advice to men and women alike. If you wish to become a high-value dater, you must recognize that you must be the only one who ascertains your worth. A high-value RightSwiper does not allow anything or anyone beyond herself to determine their value. Not any man, woman, not her loved ones, not her colleagues, and most certainly not social media.

You may think, but surely I can consider the views of people who love me. Sure, if you like listening to bias. Your family and partner probably think you are pretty impressive, and some people think you are pure evil. Trying to decide who is proffering 'fake news' is a pointless waste of time. Opinions are always subjective, and the only one that counts is your opinion about yourself. So make sure it's a good one!

Most of the time, other people's judgments rely on their mood, vulnerabilities, and vanity. Very seldom would you get an impartial assessment that is intended to help you develop and live a better version of yourself. That is why I ignore the arbitrary point of view, particularly unrequested ones.

You have most likely heard accounts of incredible individuals who seemed to have life all worked out. They were happy and fun to be with, and then they met someone. Quickly, they stopped seeing their friends and went on to entirely forfeit all their spark and happiness. They allowed a man or woman to come along and project their low self-worth onto them.

Rather than raising their standards to your friends, they took the easier option. They pulled them down to their low level. They are to blame for being an asshole, but your friend doesn't get away from the finger-pointing. A low-value WrongSwiper can only get away with this behavior if you allow it. A high-value person will never let this take place. A high-value RightSwiper splits themselves and their value away from any exterior feedback. period

Looking for completion

Most people are haunted by the need to find completion in life. This fruitless search for the perfect moment paralyzes our potential and locks us in a loop of frustration. When it comes to getting confident with dating and dealing with our fears about being rejected, there is always a reason why you should delay taking action. Many people we speak to at have a reason/excuse for not being with the man/woman of their dreams.

Excuses include:

• When I get a promotion at work, I will feel more self-assured.
• I want to lose some weight before I start dating seriously.
• I am going to hit the gym for a few months, and then I will have the confidence to get back on the dating scene.
• It's nearly Christmas, that's a time for family not chasing 'the one' – New Year, new me!

All these excuses are just moving the life you want further away from you. There is no better time in the future to get started on this journey. The perfect time is already here at this moment. Every moment you avoid taking action in the hope that life is going to give you a better hand at some random point in the future is a moment of your life that is gone forever.

It is rather difficult to feel content in a world that is consistently offering you the "next best thing". How can you pay attention to the now when you can't wait for the future to show up? Because it will be better? It will be bigger, quicker, more beneficial, more effective, more fulfilling and perfect, somehow.

But how dependable is relying on the future? And what proof do we have that it will deliver a more desirable life than we have today? The only thing we can be sure of is the present moment, this moment you're experiencing as you read this book. The truth is that we devote far too much time to contemplating the past and anticipating the future. We look to the future for abundance, and when it lets us down, we look romantically to the past like things once were. The mind is always trying to take us someplace else, to somewhere more desirable, a place we have convinced ourselves will make everything worthwhile, a place where we feel content and fully realize our purpose and place in the universe. But that place won't exist in the future.

In reality, all that transpires is a disappointment. We become increasingly impatient with life as it fails to provide the perfect embodiment of happiness promoted to us through a plethora of advertising mediums daily.

The more we own and achieve, the bigger the discontentment expands as the gap becomes impossible to fill. We end up being more and more unhappy and more stressed, more selfish and judgmental, more anxious and sleepless, more disenchanted.

This impacts adversely on our relationships with others, and on our capability to connect with the true nature of things. On our confidence and self-belief, it prevents us taking action and going after that man who stands in front of us at this moment. Instead, we tell ourselves that there will be a better opportunity tomorrow, when we are dressed better, have had more sleep or feel more energetic.

If I had a dime for every time I heard someone say, "Things will be better when I. ...," "I'll be happier when I.".

When what?

• When you move apartment again?
• When you get a higher-paying job?
• When the children go off to university?
• When you finally take that vacation?
• When you get a more substantial car?
• When you achieve what your parents expected of you?
• When you meet the right man/woman?
• When you retire with that pension, you've been toiling to build up?

This continuous process of desiring to get to some moment other than the one that's in our present is causing us nothing but mental anguish. We live in a world of our imagination, a delusion reliant on the prospect that contentment and self-confidence is just one more purchase, one more action or goal away.

People come to RightSwiper VIP Club because they realize that at some point there is no point reading any more about 'how to get the guy/girl', they have learned all there is to know, and the only thing left to do is to face their fears and put themselves out there as a high-value dater.

We are all guilty of hoping and dreaming that a better, more comfortable window of opportunity is just around the corner. But what if we stop longing for a moment? What if we could find absolute satisfaction in just being here right now? I guarantee you that if you let go of the grasping for just a second, you'll see just how perfect this moment is and how incredibly complete you feel.

Regardless of what is going on in your life at the moment and how you regard it, this is how it was intended to be in this instance. Every instant is part of the interdependent mortality of life. Mother Earth doesn't use a clock. There is no time, only a sequence of perfect instances that form our existence. And they can be nothing more significant than moments because one only ever exists at any given time. And if you need any more motivation to free yourself from the jail of contemplation over what the future might bring, remember that one day there will not be another instance to contemplate. The cold, hard reality is that you'll die before that perfect moment you visualize ever arrives.

Every second we wish away, disregard or reject as not good enough, we never get back. Conversely, every moment is ours to seize and value, to love ourselves, others and this incredible planet full of beautiful, amazing high-value RightSwipers. Do not overlook the opportunity for total gratification and fulfilment that can be found in your life right this moment. How you interact with this moment will directly affect the next, subsequently impacting the level of opportunity and success that opens up in your life.

So right now, bring your mind home. Stop longing for something more significant to happen, to have more than you own, to have a six-pack, to be slimmer, to own better clothes or to be somebody else, somewhere else. Stop dreaming of the RightSwiper you want and go and get them – they will not get more attractive if you wait a few years.

If you wait for one of your excuses to come good, for example, perhaps you said you were going to lose ten pounds and then get busy finding the one. Do you know what happens when you lose weight? You come up with another reason why there are better times than now.

Life is happening right now. Take advantage of this.

Becoming A Powerfully Confident RightSwiper

It would be best if you kept in mind that romantic relationships (or any human connections) are unpredictable by nature and that emotions need to be returned to allow yourself to cultivate any connection.

Simply put, your love should be contingent. Not offered free of charge. You must always keep at the back of your consciousness that not all dates you like will like you back.

Don't take this as rejection or any statement about who you are. People have preferences that they rarely reveal; it's not that they withhold the information; it's just not something that is helpful to vocalize.

For example, I would say I am probably about 10-15% more physically attracted to darker-haired women than blondes. If I tell a date that I don't want to see her again for that reason, one of two things will happen.

Firstly, she will label me as shallow; after all, how terrible of me not to see what a wonderful person she is. Secondly, she may ask me why I don't find blonde women as attractive as brunettes.

I have no logical answer to that question beyond saying 'I just do'. So, it's easier to say nothing and politely end the relationship before it begins. Of course, we can quickly jump to unfounded assumptions because we don't know why we have been rejected. We may say to ourselves; it's because I am not slim enough, attractive enough, smart enough and so forth. None of those statements is true, but still, we cling to them as evidence of our failings.

By the way, it works the other way around too. A woman recently rejected my friend Tim because 'she is not attracted to short men'. Someone will rarely tell you why you have been rejected, and that's understandable as people are often not secure enough to take the information in good spirits.

Rejection is a harsh word for an ordinary and insignificant event. You stay high-value by placing high demands on yourself while expecting little from others.

Recognizing that people come and go is a part of life; it's not a disaster when someone rejects you, it's actually a good thing. They saved you both a lot of wasted time. It would be best if you had a policy of complete faith in your capacity to draw in as many superior RightSwipers as you desire (as needed) and that you continuously have opportunities.

For you, there really are plenty more fish in the sea, so don't fret about the end of a relationship; it's got nothing to do with you - it's pure chemistry at work.

Let's take a rejection 'deep dive'.

People usually come down with a bad case of oneitis at one point or another. Oneitis is the term used to describe a condition where a RightSwiper becomes infatuated and obsessed with one single person.

They get so hung up on them that they spend every day thinking about them and what they are doing. They will do anything and everything to be with or around them whenever they can.

Oneitis can be extremely dangerous to a RightSwiper's mental health. They will pass up on dates who come their way, waiting for this one "extra special" one to reciprocate.

What makes oneitis so sad is the self-sabotage that will take place from spending so much mental energy trying to get "the one".

Usually, oneitis is pretty one-sided. For example, the guy does not want anything to do with the woman who is pursuing him so aggressively - remember 'the law of scarcity'? And this makes it pretty hard on the woman when all of her efforts of 'wooing' this particular male go unnoticed and result in failure time and time again.

Oneitis can also occur when someone breaks up with who they hoped to be 'the one'. These types of people are usually referred to as the 'The ones that got away'.

No matter how the condition manifests itself, it needs to be treated and done away with ASAP. It can be debilitating and can result in some severe mental and emotional issues. Typically, people will become desperate and needy and do things out of character. These RightSwipers will commit acts that will cause them to be labeled things such as "psycho," "stalker," or any other label that you should never be associated with.

I was in a nine-month relationship with an Iranian woman a few years ago. It started off well, although I should have seen the warning signs when she told me to watch out for her complaining and criticizing a lot. She admitted she had a bad habit of doing that, and it had ended relationships before. She didn't want that to happen to us. So, if I spotted her doing it, I would quickly stop her. If it had ended up being an infrequent problem, that plan might have worked.

However, it slowly became a constant in our life together. She was always unhappy with who I was, how I did things, or how I approached life. Because I knew my worth and was pretty comfortable with who I was by this point in my life, I ended the relationship because it had started to make me miserable.

She didn't take the break up well. She told me it was the best relationship she ever had and hoped we would get married soon. The fact that I was unhappy was irrelevant. Remember inside/outside thinking we talked about at the start of the book?

She wouldn't accept the end and dropped into 100% oneitis mode. She would send her friends around to have a word with me, encouraging me to get back with her. One even took me out for a fancy meal and suggested I ask her to marry me. It was crazy.

Then she started sending me one hour-long voice messages, recorded in the middle of the night. What did she expect to be the outcome of this low-value demonstration? That I would rush to her door, begging for forgiveness? That didn't happen, instead I saw it as confirmation that I absolutely had made the right decision.

Oneitis is a blinding condition, and it affects both genders. I have a friend called Simon. He met the 'girl of his dreams' a few years ago. Very quickly, they moved in together and got engaged. For years we didn't see anything of Simon, he dumped his mates and got busy being all 'loved up'. The only thing we ever heard from Simon was the almost daily Facebook post of how beautiful his fiancé was or declarations of what a lucky son of a bitch he was.

Then, after two years of this nonsense, we all started getting messages from him saying he couldn't cope with it anymore and he was going to leave her. What was going on behind the scenes bordered on mental and physical abuse and was a million miles away from the world being portrayed on social media.

If you start using statements like 'he is the most perfect man I ever met' or 'I have never met anyone quite like her', then slap yourself hard in the face and wake up to the fact that you are in early-stage oneitis.

If you stop conversations with your friends because you heard your phone beep (and it might be a message from them), you are dropping everything because they ask, then you are in big trouble, but worse than that you are going to get hurt.

I am going to give you seven unbreakable rules to prevent you from falling into this deadly trap:

Internet dating always involves interacting with more than one person at any one time. ALWAYS!

Do not change your plans for a date. If you plan to go to the movies with your girlfriend and a hot RightSwiper invites you to dinner instead, the answer is always no, but let's do it another time.

Do not talk for hours on the phone with a date before you meet. Keep conversations fun, lightly flirty, and short.

If you are talking to a potential date, always have a restraint on your time. Always have somewhere to go and something to do. It would help if you gave the impression that your time is valuable and they should feel lucky whenever you give them any of it. If they ask you what you have been up to, don't say, 'not much just doing my laundry'. You are always busy, even if you are not.

Do not let a date dictate with whom you are allowed to be friends. Some Wrongswipers get very jealous, and many can't cope with you having other people in your life. If you dump friends of the opposite sex (even Facebook friends) because your date asked you to, only bad things are coming.

I made this mistake once, and it should have been the end of the argument. After all, you have given your partner what they demanded, right? It is only the beginning of a theme that will eventually destroy your relationship.

Don't be available to them whenever they want you.

Don't become the other person’s mood hoover. The person he goes to for a bitch and a moan about stuff. If you let this happen, it won't be long before you are friend-zoned, and you are the person they complain to because some hot RightSwiper they like won't give them the time of day.

Text messages don't require an immediate answer, and phone calls don't need to be answered every time. Remember, you are a busy RightSwiper and your time is valuable.

Don't chase the rejection. The date gets one (maybe two at the most) chances to get you. If they don't take the bait, the worst thing you can do is keep chasing. If they don't take the opportunity to hook up with you, then it is his loss. There are 3 billion other potentials out there. Why would you miss a moment's sleep over this one?

Are You Ready?

So many people get worn out by the nonsense of internet dating, complaining that "all the men on dating sites are only after one thing" or "women don't give nice guys a chance." Unbeknownst to them, their approach is unwittingly crafting the outcomes they so vehemently despise. RightSwiper teaches you to change that for good. 

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