3 Things You Should NEVER Do On A First DateNov 20, 2023
Some Dates You Don’t, Some Dates You Do.
So, you've done it; apparently, against all the odds you've actually managed to agree a date with someone, a first date! Result! Yes, you should congratulate yourself for even getting this far. You've got past the Rightswiper's filters with your initial impression from your photos, then you've managed not to irritate them with whatever you have written on your profile and finally, you have made that first phone call, which you also passed, and now it's time for the first date.
The first thing to say here is that now things are getting serious. Thus far, you haven't really had to make much effort or invest major time, which you will now have to do by actually meeting someone!
But it shouldn't be just anyone you can persuade to meet you that you are investing all this time and effort in, and therefore, the first thing is that you should always speak to the Rightswiper on the phone before actually meeting them in person.
Well, you've done all the basics. You have looked at the photos, you've seen what they wrote about themselves and vice versa. That is, assuming they have written anything. I would be very dubious of someone who cannot be bothered to do this.
You need all the information that you can get, squeeze every ounce of knowledge from the Rightswiper that you can.
And that means making the phone call.
Now, many Rightswipers are unwilling to talk on the phone. Who knows why? While I would not discount these people out of hand, if given a choice, I would always meet the phone caller rather than the Rightswiper who refuses to talk, or indeed refuses to give their number until you have actually met.
Some people I have interviewed have found themselves outside a coffee shop trying to contact their Rightswiper via an app that has just gone down, making things very difficult.
I advise getting as much information as possible, which means having at least a quick phone call. In a few seconds, you can glean a lot more information from a phone call than you can from a few pics, some text and the odd Whatsapp all joined together.
So try and have a phone call. You will undoubtedly find that the voice on the other end of the phone isn't what you expected. They may give away some views which you know you will not be able to deal with. Whatever happens, you will be better positioned to decide whether you will make the effort to meet up for the date.
Also, a good pre-date activity is Whatsapping. You can get more updated pictures, but it really isn't a good idea to surprise your beautiful female Rightswiper with a tasteless dick pic.
Trust me, that will get you nowhere.
So, it's time for the first date.
Let's face it, the first date is not really a date at all. A date is when two people have met at least once, maybe a few times, in the normal run of life, got to know each other a bit, learned a few things about each other, and then taken the plunge to meet up on a date. It's loaded. It has meaning. There is mutual attraction, which could be just physical but is usually, at this point, a little more than that. You could have met at a salsa club, a quiz night… anything. But you know a little bit about each other and have met each other in 3D.
Not so with online dating. It's all skew-wiff. You've met each other virtually; you've seen photos, maybe even videos; possibly you've talked on the phone, or even Facetimed.
But whatever it is that you've done so far, you have not yet experienced the 3D reality of the other person.
This poses new and interesting scenarios. So the best thing to do is get the first 'date' right. It's got to be light, informal, and non-threatening.
So, first, let's have a look at some dates you should NEVER have before we give you a few that you should.
This may surprise you, but the meal is a really bad idea for a first meeting (note I didn't say date).
First, what if you both turn up and you really don't like the look of the other person?
This happens, whether it's because they don't look like their picture or there's something about their physicality which they haven't told you, or they're not tall enough, not short enough, who knows! Imagine the horror now of having to go through a whole meal with that person. The drinks, the starters, the main course, the dessert, the coffee, argh! Nightmare! I guarantee that you will be thinking for the entirety of that meal that you wish the world could open up and swallow you out of there. And this, just because you went too heavy on the first meeting. There are other things, too, they might be rude to the waiter, they might have an extremely loud voice and start talking bigoted nonsense. Trust me. The meal is a nono.
The last chapter of this book is called Dates From Hell, where we embarrass ourselves by sharing all the dates that went hideously wrong. One of Craig’s worst ever first dates was made 10x worse because he failed to observe the ‘no meal’ rule.
A long drive.
This really includes any other kind of date which involves going somewhere but you go on a long drive, thirty minutes or more, together, in a car for the first time.
OMG, I mean AWKWARD!
Once again, the physicality comes in here. You might get in that car, or they might get in yours, and one of you thinks: Ugh! We can't help that. It's human nature. Plus, another point here is the safety factor. I guess this is more aimed at women than men, but should you really be getting into a car with someone you don't have good information about?
Keep out of the car, and the bus is out of the question!
Don't get drunk.
You might think you need a little Dutch courage when going on that first meet. Maybe one or two, but DON'T get rat-arsed! The most obvious reason for this is that you might do something which you wouldn't normally do. And that is a bad idea unless, of course, you're just looking for a one-night stand. But we are assuming here that you are looking for an actual relationship.
I'm not saying that there has never been a relationship that has started with some great sex, but if you're going to show all your secrets on the first night, how will a romance slowly develop?
It's not. The die has been cast. The mould has been formed. You got drunk and gave it all away. Will your date still have respect for you in the morning? Probably not, and nor will you. You will just both end up looking a little bit sheepish and trying to think of a way to get out of there. Fast.
Don't go out and get drunk on the first meet.
Don't do anything super wacky.
Now, this may sound so ridiculous that you could decide that I am making this up, but , trust me, I couldn't make this up.
I was interviewing a man, let's call him Bryan, who was meeting a woman after a lot of interaction online, on the phone, and on Facetime, and eventually, they agreed to meet. He was living 50% of his time abroad, so it was agreed that the lady would meet him at the airport.
It was a Friday night, and Bryan was tired. He had just come off a 3-hour flight and was hoping that his 'date' was going to be an easy meet.
At first he saw no sign of her, he kept looking around until, eventually there was just one person left in the airport's arrivals section, and that was a rather strangely dressed policewoman. Bryan started to wonder why she was staring at him until, in a desperately panicked moment of realization, he realized this was his date, who had spent a day's wages on a fancy dress outfit to greet him in.
She walked up to him, swinging the fake handcuffs and said: Da-der!
Let’s face it, you don’t want a date which starts with the words; Da-der!
Embarrassed wasn't the word.
A lady I interviewed, Kylie, aged about 25, told me that she had a thing about tattoos. Not a good thing, a bad thing. And she had made it very clear that she did not want to date anyone with a tattoo.
She met the guy in the pub, who proudly showed off his brand new tattoo on his chest, which in fact, was not a real tattoo, but a henna tattoo that would eventually just come off.
He told her he thought it would be funny. She disagreed, and the meeting lasted about ten minutes.
And, number five: don't EVER go on holiday together. We will talk about this one later, but it basically rolls up the previous four nono meetings into one, but there is a story, and we will hear it elsewhere in the book.
Number six: going to the cinema. I was unsure about this one at first. On the face of it, it is a bad idea. You meet for the first time outside the cinema, it's a little awkward and then it's going to get even more awkward when you sit next to someone you've never met before in a darkened room, in silence.
However, it is possible to improve this scenario. You could meet for a quick drink first, just one, and then go on to see the film.
At least this way, you've said a few words beforehand, and the one good thing about going to a film is that you've just had a shared experience and have something to talk about afterwards.
On the downside – you're still in a darkened room, and what if your Rightswiper decides to try and get a little romantic? That would be icky.
Which leaves us with…the perfect date. Of course, there isn't just one, and of course, it depends a little on the individuals involved,
So, I will give you three ideas that involve differing levels of organization and effort.
First, a stand-up comedy show. I really like this one as it puts you both in a good mood, sharing a joke and an experience, and it's very informal. It's not dark and silent like the cinema; plenty of people are around and, hopefully, your Rightswiper will have a sense of humor!
Secondly, what about a bowling game?
Two games would be enough. It usually throws up a lot of laughs and a little bit of competition, but, on that note, don't get TOO competitive. It is, after all, just a game.
It should get you laughing a bit and talking and sharing an experience.
Don't boast too much if you get a strike.
BUT, boring as it might seem, the best first meeting is a COFFEE.
Remember all those elements of meeting someone in real life, the light, informal meeting, no alcohol involved, and the chance to escape just in case they don't turn out to be quite what you were expecting?
Well, the coffee is the perfect scenario.
You arrange to meet at a mutually convenient coffee outlet, have a nice quiet chat, get to know each other, ask all the things you need to ask; and at the same time, you will be checking out their height, weight, similarity to photos and their real-life smile.
If it goes well, well then let's meet again, or maybe even, at that point, have something to eat.
If it doesn't go well: it's been great to meet you; let's keep in touch.
If you're unsure…just leave it for now and do the text thing later.
Are You Ready?
So many people get worn out by the nonsense of internet dating, complaining that "all the men on dating sites are only after one thing" or "women don't give nice guys a chance." Unbeknownst to them, their approach is unwittingly crafting the outcomes they so vehemently despise. RightSwiper teaches you to change that for good.